Henry Imler February 23rd, 2006

You have read the Mr. T facts, the Vin facts, and the Chuck Norris facts. Now, for the facts of facts, the Jack Bauer fact list. There is a list at Boortz.com. If you are a liberal and have that site blocked (I am joking at you Smijer, Gringo, and Dave), there is a random fact for Jack Bauer as well.

Here are some of my favorites:

1. If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice.
2. Jack
   Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next
   half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
3. Let’s
   get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is
   because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you. (Best line of the
   show so far)
4. Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
5. If Jack Bauer says ‘This is not the right play’, it’s not the right play.
6. The
   sole job of the Verizon wireless “can you hear me now” guy is to make
   sure Jack Bauer always has cell phone reception. The fate of the US and
   all of the free world depends upon it.
7. In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the hell have you done with your life?
8. After brief discussions with Jack Bauer, Lynn McGill no longer believes in Hobbits, Dragons, Wizards or Magical Mythical Rings.
9. Sure Jack Bauer cut off his partner Chase’s hand - the hand that touched his daughter.
10. Tony was once shot in the neck, rushed to the hospital,
    underwent emergency surgery and was back on the job in just a few
    hours. Jack Bauer still can’t believe he went to the hospital first.
11. During the commercials, Jack Bauer calls the CSI detectives and solves their crimes.
12. On
    a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down “Violence” as every one of
    the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his
    problems with Violence.
13. Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he’s done it twice.
14. Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
15. Jack Bauer removed the “Escape” button from his keyboard. Jack Bauer never needs to escape.
16. Killing Jack Bauer doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.
17. Every mathematical inequality officially ends with “< Jack Bauer”.

Who is more awesome, Jack or Chuck? Vote.

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