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Archive for the 'Humor' Category
What do I do again?
Henry Imler June 17th, 2008
Ugh, how true that is. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone through that. People want a 5 second diddy on what you do, not a 5 minute nuanced explanation of what your field is, followed up by a 3 minute description of where your work is positioned within that field.
Most people don’t get what religious studies is (hint: it’s not theology), let alone how you go about/can take a non-canonical religious text and analyze how it functioned to create and sustain a religious community two thousand years ago. Most people quickly assume that I am a cracked theologian who is trying to elevate the Acts of Thomas to the Bible. That’s understandable given the standard perceptions of what people do with texts, but just frustrating when I constantly have to take more time than the hearer wants to explain what I am doing.
The End.
Purity in Academic Pursuits
Henry Imler June 16th, 2008
While part of me agrees with the above picture, I have to also vehemently disagree. The further you get from "purity" the closer you get to real people. I am thinking of history, religious studies, etc… Perhaps what I am trying to say is that dirty has value as well as purity. This is part of my newfound problem with philosophy and philosophers. Philosophy is a nice set of tools and ways to conceive the world. However, I’d rather go build something with my tools rather than spend all day polishing my nice toolbox. (With that said, I have and will always have a deep love for math.)
The Photo-Survey Meme
Henry Imler June 16th, 2008
Picked this puppy up at Brendoman.com. The concept: a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search. b. Using only the first page, pick an image. c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s mosaic maker. - The Questions:
- What is your first name? Henry
- What is your favorite food? Brisket
- What high school did you go to? Versailles High School (Morgan County RII did not pickup anything)
- What is your favorite color? Orange
- Who is your celebrity crush? Jason Bateman
- Favorite drink? Orange Crush
- Dream vacation? Rome
- Favorite dessert? Vanilla Ice Cream and Hot Coco Mix
- What you want to be when you grow up? Professor of Religious Studies
- What do you love most in life? Family , bio and otherwise
- One Word to describe you. hhmmm
- Your flickr name. hundiejo
Image Sources 1. HENRY’S GROCERY, 2. Brisket at Memphis Minnie’s, 3. Versailles High School Basketball, 4. Orange thrift, 5. Arrest me, Jason Bateman!, 6. Orange Crush Coffee Shop, 7. St. Peters - Rome, 8. Chocolate ice cream, 9. Mircea Eliade - Romanian Writer, 10. The Finger Family, 11. Hhmmm…….., 12. Honzo
Humor in Textbooks
Henry Imler May 29th, 2008
I absolutely love crazy and/or humorous things that happen in ancient texts. I also love humorous lines written in textbooks. The best example is Dr. Anthony Alioto’s A History of Western Science, one of my favorite books of all time. Tony is able to work in his sarcastic humor in such a way that it adds to the narrative without becoming cumbersome or tired. While I am talking about Alioto, he introduced me to my favorite pithy saying of all time, which encapsulates my approach to humor - “A bad joke is better than no joke at all.” Of course, adopting this as my motto has lead to the creation of another saying: “pulling a henry.”
I love the good Dr. Alioto, but this post is not about him nor his work. It does concern itself with the exersisies found in German for Reading Knowledge. I am working though the first five chapters because I’ll be on vacation when the class starts, so I need to work ahead. While doing some exersises, I came across the following problem:
Der Geist ist willig, aber das Fleisch ist schwach. (The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.)
I think to myself, “Neat, I know that from the Bible! Isn’t that just cool?” Then I read the next line:
Der Student ist willig, aber er ist nicht sehr intelligent. (The student is willing, but he is not intellegent.)
Not quite as elegant, but very funny.
Best thing Uwe Boll has commited to film
Henry Imler April 30th, 2008
I just love watching this video:
Not only will we see who is the better director, we will see who is able to fight more for that what he wants
Simmons on Allen and Garnett in a Grocery Store
Henry Imler April 26th, 2008
The Raymond Babbit Award
To Ray Allen, the subject of a mesmerizing Jackie MacMullan piece about his monotonous routines and borderline obsessive/compulsive habits. (In retrospect, it’s a shame the Knicks didn’t trade for him last summer just for comedy’s sake — I could see a rattled Ray taking a leave of absence in January after Isiah Thomas moved the team’s shootaround for the fifth time that week.) You could make a case the Celtics have two crazy people on their team — Allen and Garnett — who would be thrown into a mental institution if they behaved in a grocery store like they did during the average NBA playoff game.
(By the way, that would be a funny “SNL” skit — TCIKG intensely shopping at a Whole Foods, grabbing the last box of Fruit Loops from the shelf and pounding his chest, woofing orders at the deli guy and chest-bumping him after a particular good cut of American cheese, then getting in a customer’s face who made the mistake of bringing 14 items into the “13 items or less” aisle. I continue to believe cameras should be following Garnett at all times.)
Toothless Lizards full of Madness
Henry Imler April 16th, 2008
We, as Christians, are among the world’s best at sweeping, dismissive judgments. All one needs to do is subscribe to the Worldview Weekend newsletter to see that. This is not a new trend, however, as evidenced by the following quote by Epiphanius:
Passing this judgment [on them is like passing judgment] on a toothless lizard full of madness, I will go on to the next things, beloved, calling upon God to help our inadequacy and to enable us to fulfill our promise [i.e. to write this book] (Medicine Box, 49)
As dismissive judgments go, likening your opponent to a “toothless lizard full of madness” is pretty sweet. In this case the lizards in need of dentures were the Quintillians and they were dismissed because of their allowance of women as clergy and prophetesses.
I keep wondering how Luke 6:37 fits into all of this, if not in the 4th century, then in the current postmodern context in which we find ourselves.
Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven.
Here’s the rub: how can I actually not judge and still maintain myself?
I consider myself to be a collection of definitions. I am 6′1” tall. I like basketball; I hate baseball. I follow Christ. I determine that which I am. Well, the things that I can choose - I can’t choose to be a white male, for instance. I determine this by means of judgment. I judge for myself that baseball is three minutes of action crammed into three hours. I determine that math is a good way to use numbers. I determine that there is nothing sweeter than a drop step or a juke+spin+hook-shot in basketball. How am I not to judge, which is a command from the One that I follow when judgments necessarily make up an individual? In other places in the Bible, we are commanded to test the spirits, to determine what is right. How do we reconcile this?
As best as I can understand it, there is a distinguishment between moral and factual judgments. We are to make so-called factual judgments about matters and hold them over and above the judgments of others. On the other hand, we are to refrain from making moral judgments about people and their positions.
While this seems almost self-explanatory, I know I often need reminding of this. Just look through the archives of masstheolgoy.com, hundiejo.com, or brendoman.com as evidence of this.
What do you do with Luke 6:37?
Simmons MVP Rankings
Henry Imler April 16th, 2008
This is just going to be a series of quotes from the awesome Simmons NBA MVP breakdown, Part I
449. Zach Randolph
Any time the same player is widely credited for one team’s resurgence (simply because he left), another team’s ongoing demise (simply because he showed up) and the firing of a third team’s GM (Milwaukee’s Larry Harris, who made the fatal mistake of trying to convince his owner that the Bucks should trade for him), that should have been enough for him to cruise to the LVP Award. Zach, I’m sorry. I don’t know what else you could have done short of stabbing Nate Robinson during a timeout.
372. Jermaine O’Neal
Ever since O’Neal punched out Turtle during the Artest Melee, he morphed into C-Webb 2.0. Check out his past four seasons: 122 missed games (and counting), declining stats each season and one of the most damaging contracts in the league. Is it too late to set him up with Tyra Banks? By the way, if you had to rank the most destructive moments to an NBA franchise in the past 30 years in terms of immediate damage and long-term ramifications, the Artest Melee ranks just below Lenny Bias’ coke overdose and the Bowie/Jordan pick at this point.
85. Vince Carter
I mailed in this paragraph in his honor.
133. Luol Deng/Ben Gordon/Emeka Okafor (tie)
“On second thought … um … I WILL take that extension!”
314. Tim Thomas
I guess the question is this: Is there an NBA forward alive who couldn’t play 31 minutes a game, score 12 points, notch five rebounds and three assists, miss 70 percent of his 3-pointers and allow his guy to score at will? If baseball has VORP (value over replacement player), then basketball should have VOTT (value over Tim Thomas). And that’s not even half the story. During a Lakers-Clips game last week, the Postmaster General (that’s my nickname for him) spent a large chunk of the third quarter jogging between the two 3-point lines without ever crossing either line, almost like he wagered a teammate that he could play an entire quarter without going within 24 feet of either basket. It might have been the most riveting moment of the Clippers’ season. He’s such a dog that PETA might protest this paragraph.
Quote of the Day: Blessing the Food
Henry Imler April 15th, 2008
My younger namesake over at Think Wink brings us this quote of the day. Hank has been meeting with some mormon missionaries every so often since they came a knockin on his door. This time they met at a local McDonalds to dicuss their issues. Hank relates the following experiance:
Today I had an appointment with some more LDS missionaries. We went to McDonalds for some fastfood and to discuss our theological differences. You know, I always feel weird asking God to bless that stuff we call fast-food, but then again it reminds me that I have to believe in miracles to even ask.
I thought that was great.
Whoops, Air.
Henry Imler April 9th, 2008
I was about to go to bed, but one of the dumbest commercials was broadcast. Tiger Woods, having conquered golf on Earth, is teeing off from the Moon. As the ball, which he has struck, is hurtling towards Mars the golf ball begins to burn as if it was entering Earth’s atmo. Mind you, there is the frontal plasma cloud and tail.
Whats the problem?
There is no air in space.
Quote of the Day: The Farrell of the NBA
Henry Imler April 9th, 2008
From the Simmons Mailbag:
Q: I would have thought that after “Phone Booth,” “SWAT,” “The Recruit,” and “Daredevil” people would realize every single movie Colin Farrell has even appeared in is terrible. For some displicable reason, Hollywood kept giving him more money and bigger roles (”Miami Vice,” “Alexander,” etc.) Hence the Colin Farrell Rule: No matter how bad all Colin Farrell movies are, Hollywood studios will insist on giving him leading roles and huge paydays. Who is the Colin Farrell of the NBA?
– Murph, New YorkSG: Has to be Stephon Marbury, right? Twelve NBA seasons, four playoff appearances, 18 career playoff games, zero playoff series wins, four different teams that were excited to acquire him, four teams that were excited to trade him, nearly $132 million earned (with another $21 million coming next season) and, if that’s not enough, he was the starting point guard for the Nightmare Team in the 2004 Olympics. Did I leave anything out? You know it’s a good comparison because it’s hard to tell who should be more insulted — Farrell or Marbury.
100% Accurate 2008 MLB Predictions
Henry Imler March 30th, 2008
1. Baseball will still suck.
2. Who cares? See #1.
The Late Great Planet Earth.
Henry Imler March 27th, 2008
You know how it is theoretically possible to create a mini-black hole with a powerful enough particle accelerator? You know how there is also a chance that these mini-black holes, if created might not just evaporate away? You know how we are building a particle accelerator powerful enough to make these things in theory?
Well those people are being sued until we can know for sure that humanity won’t die because some scientist accidentally made a non-evaporating black hole on our planet.
Quote of the Day: Foucault
Henry Imler March 27th, 2008
My statement was awkward in that form.
-Michel Foucault (Fu-ko not fou-cault - darn those French and their laziness in pronunciation!) on his statement that architecture became political only at the end of the eighteenth century. (The Foucault Reader p. 239)
Wait… you mean to tell me that something Foucault wrote was awkward? Say it ain’t so so, Brother! Actually he is just too smart for me!
A Case for Extinction
Henry Imler March 25th, 2008
Lets start playing Darwin… who needs sharks? I don’t. And since I have access to guns and pollution, I am the fittest to survive relative to a shark. After all…
A shark is a 24-hour tooth factory attached to an organic outboard motor. The only reason we’re killing them at all is because we evolved the ability first. If even one of those flesh-seeking missiles had taken time out from mincing things with its face to develop a thumb-fin, even now we’d be hiding up trees from giant water-filled roboshark suits.
More rationale behind the extinction of certain animals: 6 Endangered Species That Aren’t Endangered Enough
We are human; we win.
Read it in the News
Henry Imler March 14th, 2008
Scored another desk today.
There is one guy left to prank and I know what I would like to do to his desk. He is an American with Irish heritage - the kind that never lets you forget that he has Irish heritage and freaks out if you conflate Ireland and Scotland… so I am thinking of putting a lot of Scottish themed things labeled as Irish things on his desk However, he won’t shut up about how he is going to get be back soooo bad that it will take most of the day to put everything back together. Two things I wanna say here. First, everything I have done would take a person about 10 minutes to fix (or I waited around and helped them get the stuff back together quickly), so I don’t think he gets this manner of etiquette and that is frustrating. Secondly, while I have something in the initial stages, I might just not do anything. That would be funny because he could never have his revenge that he keeps talking about.
My “Kids in the Hall” Ability
Henry Imler March 11th, 2008
Given that I can now cut open heads (sorry Meredith, Grant, Ashley, and Bre) with my heroes ability, I am starting to wonder about porting that to other TV shows….
For instance, my Kids in the Hall ability would be:
Crush Head
Convince Borg
Returning Debt.
Henry Imler March 6th, 2008
When I woke up this morning I owed some people 3,150 dollars.
By 1pm, I owed them nothing.
I returned to the library the 18 books for which I was being charged $175 each to replace.
I checked half of them back out.
