Henry Imler April 26th, 2008
The Raymond Babbit Award
To Ray Allen, the subject of a mesmerizing Jackie MacMullan piece about his monotonous routines and borderline obsessive/compulsive habits. (In retrospect, it’s a shame the Knicks didn’t trade for him last summer just for comedy’s sake — I could see a rattled Ray taking a leave of absence in January after Isiah Thomas moved the team’s shootaround for the fifth time that week.) You could make a case the Celtics have two crazy people on their team — Allen and Garnett — who would be thrown into a mental institution if they behaved in a grocery store like they did during the average NBA playoff game.
(By the way, that would be a funny “SNL” skit — TCIKG intensely shopping at a Whole Foods, grabbing the last box of Fruit Loops from the shelf and pounding his chest, woofing orders at the deli guy and chest-bumping him after a particular good cut of American cheese, then getting in a customer’s face who made the mistake of bringing 14 items into the “13 items or less” aisle. I continue to believe cameras should be following Garnett at all times.)
Henry Imler April 16th, 2008
This is just going to be a series of quotes from the awesome Simmons NBA MVP breakdown, Part I
449. Zach Randolph
Any time the same player is widely credited for one team’s resurgence (simply because he left), another team’s ongoing demise (simply because he showed up) and the firing of a third team’s GM (Milwaukee’s Larry Harris, who made the fatal mistake of trying to convince his owner that the Bucks should trade for him), that should have been enough for him to cruise to the LVP Award. Zach, I’m sorry. I don’t know what else you could have done short of stabbing Nate Robinson during a timeout.
372. Jermaine O’Neal
Ever since O’Neal punched out Turtle during the Artest Melee, he morphed into C-Webb 2.0. Check out his past four seasons: 122 missed games (and counting), declining stats each season and one of the most damaging contracts in the league. Is it too late to set him up with Tyra Banks? By the way, if you had to rank the most destructive moments to an NBA franchise in the past 30 years in terms of immediate damage and long-term ramifications, the Artest Melee ranks just below Lenny Bias’ coke overdose and the Bowie/Jordan pick at this point.
85. Vince Carter
I mailed in this paragraph in his honor.
133. Luol Deng/Ben Gordon/Emeka Okafor (tie)
“On second thought … um … I WILL take that extension!”
314. Tim Thomas
I guess the question is this: Is there an NBA forward alive who couldn’t play 31 minutes a game, score 12 points, notch five rebounds and three assists, miss 70 percent of his 3-pointers and allow his guy to score at will? If baseball has VORP (value over replacement player), then basketball should have VOTT (value over Tim Thomas). And that’s not even half the story. During a Lakers-Clips game last week, the Postmaster General (that’s my nickname for him) spent a large chunk of the third quarter jogging between the two 3-point lines without ever crossing either line, almost like he wagered a teammate that he could play an entire quarter without going within 24 feet of either basket. It might have been the most riveting moment of the Clippers’ season. He’s such a dog that PETA might protest this paragraph.
Henry Imler April 9th, 2008
From the Simmons Mailbag:
Q: I would have thought that after “Phone Booth,” “SWAT,” “The Recruit,” and “Daredevil” people would realize every single movie Colin Farrell has even appeared in is terrible. For some displicable reason, Hollywood kept giving him more money and bigger roles (”Miami Vice,” “Alexander,” etc.) Hence the Colin Farrell Rule: No matter how bad all Colin Farrell movies are, Hollywood studios will insist on giving him leading roles and huge paydays. Who is the Colin Farrell of the NBA?
– Murph, New York
SG: Has to be Stephon Marbury, right? Twelve NBA seasons, four playoff appearances, 18 career playoff games, zero playoff series wins, four different teams that were excited to acquire him, four teams that were excited to trade him, nearly $132 million earned (with another $21 million coming next season) and, if that’s not enough, he was the starting point guard for the Nightmare Team in the 2004 Olympics. Did I leave anything out? You know it’s a good comparison because it’s hard to tell who should be more insulted — Farrell or Marbury.
Henry Imler March 30th, 2008
1. Baseball will still suck.
2. Who cares? See #1.
Henry Imler February 25th, 2008
What is the number one thing you need to do when playing against a 2-3 zone defense?
You attack the holes and kick out; you keep the ball moving and when holes develop, exploit them.
My teammates could not seem to understand this today. For them, the best way to play against a zone defense was to allow one person to guard 2-3 people because of poor spacing on our part and to never, ever attack the holes. Of the utmost importance was to have one guy standing around at the top of the key showcasing his fancy dribbling skills the whole while neglecting all manner of picks and would-be rolls while everyone else worked hard at getting open. It was a bit frustrating.
Henry Imler February 18th, 2008
Man, the dunk contest was absolutely amazing this year. You all might have heard about the Superman dunk above, but the rest of Howard (and Green’s) dunks were incredible as well.
Superman? Check.
The Birthday Cake? Check. If you like basketball in the least, then you must watch
the highlights.
Henry Imler February 16th, 2008
Loved this line from Gilbert Arenas on the Shaq trade:
Now Raja Bell has that big fella behind him so he might break out the clothesline once again, haha.
Nice one. That clothesline was one of the best playoff outbursts ever.
Henry Imler February 2nd, 2008
It’s been a miserable season. Gambled for a championship, got it, and now are paying dearly (worst record in the NBA, losers of 19 out of 20 games) for loading up on old talent and short term contracts.
I just keep thinking back to that magical summer of 06 - its the only thing that keeps me afloat in the NBA fandom.
Update: They did. The Shaq trade will help the Suns greatly and the Heat will get much need flexibility. Add to that the number one draft pick this summer and hopefully the woes won’t go on for much longer!
Henry Imler November 29th, 2007
— Saw the first rip off of Christmas songs to sell commodities - and then I promptly became sick to my stomach.
— Saw an AMAZING Celtics/Knicks game. 104-59 and through most of the 2nd half the Celtics had the Knick’s score doubled.
— TNT needs to mix up their commercials. I have seen the MJ/OverActorTMHanes commercial about 342 times in three hours. Does anyone notice that the Hanes commercials all kinda make MJ look like a jerk?
— It was good to get some exercise - played basketball for an hour with some random cats at the Rec Center - worked out next to guys that curl me (always fun) - and then capped it off with a nice run.
— The Garnett/Craig Sager interview after the Celtics/Knicks game was priceless. Not only did Sager ask Garnett if the Knicks had quit as a team on Isiah Thomas (he said yes), but Garnett also called Sager out on his wardrobe choice. Garnett basically ridiculed the man on national TV and Sager just took it. Sager’s wardrobe is so bad, there is even an NBA Basketball blog named after his choice of suits: “Donning Craig Sager’s Suit - breaking down the nba like craig sager’s suits: colorfully”
Henry Imler November 5th, 2007
The Celtics break the records for “most amount of
time the bench guys stood up clapping and cheering during an 82-game
season” and “most times the other four guys immediately ran over to
pick up a teammate who got knocked down.”
Time for a quick NBA fix by Bill Simmons
