Henry Imler October 26th, 2007

So, the other day I was on the phone with a keyboard and gamepad manufacturer.
We were chatting about this and that (but not the other). The dude on
the other end of the call was a swell guy - very stand-up, if you know
what I mean. And if you don’t just go with it, ω ἀνθρωπος!

So anyway, we were talking products. I gave him a couple of ideas for game graphics to plaster over over-priced mouse pads. He gave me some pointers on how to go about analyzing cryptic statements in the Gospel of Thomas.

As the conversation meandered on, we started talking about how cool
gamepad are. They are like (no, they are not similar to, they actually
are) miniature keyboards designed directly with the keys needed to play
games on. How cool is that!? A demonstration:

See any buttons not used in fraggin’ people? I thought not. Now, as
we were talking, I was voicing my frustration with having to have two
boards with keys on them. You have to have have your gamepad and also
your keyboard. That is two usb ports people. They don’t grow on trees - every one is as precious as rain in Georgia.

As we were tryinng to figure this whole thing out, an idea sprung
into my mind. What if they just smashed the two together? You know,
take out the ole glue gun and what ever tool people use to mess with
computer wires and went to town? You would not really have to worry
about the acetic properties of the amalgamation, because, lets be
honest, these things are not going to be in a room that has access to
direct sunlight (i.e. basements of parents). Just throw on some light
blue backlights and you should be good to go. Kids are still tacking those ugly-as-hell neon lights to their cars and to the pipes in the computers. We’ll be considered hip, or whatever the word is for it now.

This is what we came up with:

When gaming, design, and functionality combine… in a horrible transporter accident.

Now, we were not done yet (and boy am I glad this was a collect
call). We still needed to figure out the pricing. Gamepad usually cost
$20-30; keyboards usually run around 10 bones. Should we just add the
two up and call it a day? Hardly, fools. No, we need to charge extra
for the freed up USB port and the added hipness. You can’t just go and
buy those things at the store, now can you?
(You can’t. I have tried, it does not work.) What we ended up doing is
tacking on another $40 to the combined cost of the two products. They
gotta pay for my collect call somehow.

I give you the Ideazon Merc Stealth Illuminated Gaming Keyboard.
Now ten dollars off; only a cool $79.99. It frees up a USB port so that
you don’t have to go about and buy a $10 one. Save money, look cool,
and frag like a real gamer today.

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